25 and Alive!

Turning 25 this year and sheesh is it hitting a little bit different.

Turning 25 is hitting hard for me, yalllll.

I don’t know about you all, but birthdays for me are like my favorite day for reflection. But man this one is hitting differently. I feel like I feel everything. I’m serious! So intensely and fully. Part of me loves it and another part of me almost wishes I could be slightly less sensitive at times. I watch a movie that gets me just right- I cry. I look at Arden and I just love that boy so much- I cry. I get off the phone with my mom who I miss so much- I cry. It’s a pain in the butt sometimes but then I think what an unbelievably beautiful thing it is to feel and live in the now.

There was a time in my life where I felt like all I did was plan. If you know me then you know my love for planners. Even when I made the commitment to live a more minimalistic life, I was only trading the $50 one for a $13 one. Not giving it up entirely. I planned not just my days, but months, and then colleges to attend, and getting into nursing school, what I would do for the rest of my life. And I’m not quite sure exactly when it hit me, but I didn’t want to plan a damn thing anymore. I was tired of wasting my present thinking about the future. Tired of thinking about the ways I could make more money or be happy in the future, and feeling empty in the now. At what point is the present good enough? When can we just sit back and say, “this is what goodness feels like. Life is so sweet and I am fulfilled”. I looked at Arden the other day and said, “I don’t want to have anything figured out”. And I mean that. I want to have goals, both short and long term, but I have realized that when I align those more with JOY, I realize it’s just a direction I need to be going. Not a bulleted list that I have to check off.

If my 24 years on this earth have taught me anything, it is that I need to trust in myself, my capabilities, and in the path carved. Have faith in that. We are all living our purpose differently and that is so special. I am growing and expanding, giving love and receiving love back, and that is all I could ask for! 25 and alive baby!